The Dionysian Experience

Sensual, Thoughtful, and Very Naughty

Cuckold Psychology: Mind Bender

 

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In Cuckolding: A Brief Introduction, I introduced cuckolding as one of my favorite sexual fantasies and set about trying to define and understand its critical attributes as a form of sexual play within a loving relationship.

I hesitantly admit my cuckold fantasy because of how it is commonly portrayed in the worlds of porn and erotica. It seems that cuckolding has been taken over by other fantasies/fetishes–Femdom, Humiliation, BDSM (with male sub), etc. As a result, a cuckold is sometimes seen as a weak, undesirable man wearing panties while being berated and humiliated by a dominant woman as he is forced to watch other men fuck his lover. While some cuckolds may harbor such a fantasy, this portrayal is not the essence of cuckolding nor does it reflect my cuckold fantasy. That said, my cuckold fantasy isn’t the essence of cuckolding either. So, my exploration of cuckolding continues with two objectives in mind: 1) Understand the core essence of cuckolding that applies to all cuckolds 2) Understand the erotic layers of my cuckold fantasy.

Definition and Critical Attributes

I believe the essence of “healthy” cuckolding can be defined as a sexual fantasy/fetish in which the man is stimulated by his emotionally committed partner having sex with another man or men. In its purest form, cuckolding involves three elements. We have a couple that is emotionally committed to one another, his lover is fucking another man or men, and this arrangement turns the couple on and enhances their relationship. Beyond this essential core, the fantasy explodes wildly into many different spaces and often becomes a fetish within a fetish.

Takes One to Know One

Adult dating sites are full couples looking for other men to fuck the wife or girlfriend. I know this because there was a time when I fulfilled this desire for couples. In American Gigolo: Rise I describe my first encounter with a couple and that experience soon launched me into another world of sexual intrigue and exploration. I knew what I was doing and, in a world where willing men were a dime a dozen, I was a “preferred male” in relatively high demand.

The odd thing about this journey as an American Gigolo, Alpha, or Bull is that it felt like an out-of-body experience. This feelings are explored in American Gigolo. Good or bad, I needed to prove to myself that I could attain that level of sexuality. I was also curious and wanted to observe and experience cuckolding up close but from a safe emotional distance. While it was fascinating and very erotic, there was often something missing. I am a sensual man first and prefer to layer my naughty side on top of a deep sensual connection. Some of my more sensual posts: Strawberry Letter 23 (Video) and Mountain of Dreams. Being the third wheel in these sexual adventures with couples, the sensual connection was often missing (as it should be).

Why were couples (and women playing alone) drawn to me? I believed couples wanted someone that understood the sexual game being played. They wanted a man that respected their boundaries as a couple who also had the capacity to role play. My profile was distinctive, erotic, and clearly communicated my understanding of this sexual play. Couples probably thought my cock was the most important part of their experience. In reality, it was my mind.

The Mind

In my personal experience and research, I have come to appreciate cuckolding as a fantasy/fetish of choice for men that are more cerebrally inclined. I’m not saying cuckolds are more intelligent, but I am suggesting their mind is heavily engaged in their sexual experience—before, during, and after. A cuckold doesn’t often receive tactile stimulation in the moment. Instead, the cuckold is being sexually stimulated by a mind fuck of the highest order.

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The underlying driver for mental stimulation may come from one or many intermingled sources. For now, I am going to explore the idea of psychological sadomasochism. In future posts I will explore the influence of exhibitionism, sexual competition (Sperm Wars), voyeurism, interracial sex, power (a Dominant cuckold), comparative cock size, contrast, and love. With the exception of love, none of these other erotic layers are essential to “healthy” cuckolding. However, many are laced throughout cuckold fantasies and in mine specifically.

Some sexual psychologists view cuckolding as a form of psychological sadomasochism. In BDSM, we understand people are turned on by whips, chains, and giving/receiving physical pain (notably in sadomasochism). A cuckold can be aroused by mental angst as a form of psychological sadomasochism. Think about it a little deeper. A cuckold gets off anticipating, watching, and remembering his lover with her legs spread wide as another man plows her pussy and pumps his sperm inside her. He is taking an emotional and mental spanking. As I dig a little deeper for personal insight, I think back to my Shadows post. As a sensual spirit, cuckolding could be a counter-phobic reaction to fear of loss. Instead of fearing it, I am drawn to it and excited by it. I create a space where I squarely face and master my darkness. In doing so, I have never felt more alive. However, this is only one aspect of the fantasy. There are more erotic layers that contribute to and intensify the experience for me.

Cuckolding is a dangerous game involving jealousy and divine ecstasy, shame and gratitude, control and submission, lust and trust, pride and humiliation, etc. You can imagine almost any two contrasting adjectives to describe the emotional highs and lows of being “in love” and the range of those emotions is experienced in the cuckolding experience. This is psychological sadomasochism and cuckolding is an intense, mind-bending, mind fuck.

I held this fantasy for many years before I felt confident I could mentally master my emotional reaction and use it as a way to enhance my relationships through naughty sexual adventures. I would frequently masturbate while thinking about watching the woman I loved being fucked by another guy. Invariably, as soon as I came, the idea made me feel sick. It would take a couple days or even weeks before the thought began to arouse me again. I understood what was going on inside me though. It was hot to think about, but I feared that in my afterglow I would be jealous and angry with her. If I could not mentally master my emotional reaction, I knew it was a potential fire that could sweep across and destroy a relationship. This fantasy continues to drive my most intense orgasms.

For many, the initial awareness and reaction to cuckolding is often one of shock. I suppose this is a common reaction to any fetish when first exposed to it. Why do some women want to be collared, chained, and dominated? Why do some women want to be “Fuck Dolls” or want a “Daddy”? Why do some women want to be treated like a “whore” during sexual play? To each his/her own. We all have our kinks and fetishes with different underlying drivers.

Fortunately, if our lover is sexually adventurous, we have an opportunity to blend our fantasies/fetishes into a shared fantasy to form a unique experience as a couple. As a dominant male with a cuckold fantasy, I am still drawn to female submission. I never masturbate to the thought of being physically dominated by a woman. That said, if a lover had that fantasy, I would certainly be open to exploring it with her. Now, suppose a woman has a “Fuck Doll” fantasy or thrives on submission. While it may appear otherwise, the image below illustrates her complete submission to me and represents a blending of fantasies. I explore this idea of a dominant cuckold in the video Naughty Angel (Dominant Cuckold). In another post, A submissive Woman’s Perspective on Cuckolding, a former lover describes her view on cuckolding.

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Before wrapping this up, I would like to emphasize the extreme importance of communication in a healthy relationship where cuckolding is used as a form of sexual play. The erotic dialogue leading up to and after the moment is so very important to the cuckold and is a large part of his experience. It feeds his mind. The excitement and anticipation his lover is feeling and sharing serves to drive the cuckold’s excitement. In turn, it increases his passion, desire for increased intimacy with his lover, and ultimately the emotional commitment within their relationship. There is likely a Sperm Wars effect which drives this and I’ll explore this concept is an upcoming post. The sharing of her feelings, excitement, and thoughts is essential to connecting the cuckold to the experience and his lover. I will explore this in other posts but it is too important not to mention.

So far, I have shared a working definition of “healthy” cuckolding within a loving relationship and three elements that serve as the core foundation of cuckolding. I have primarily devoted this post to emphasizing the importance of mental engagement for the cuckold during this form of sexual play. I hope you found this second foray into cuckolding to be both educational and mentally stimulating. Remember, in a healthy relationship the cuckolding experience adds to the relationship and is ultimately about the couple.

I’ve linked to many of my cuckold-related posts throughout this article. I’ve also completed a few interviews with men and women that enjoy the cuckold kink:

  • Interview with KC – KC describes how he and fiancé got into and enjoy interracial cuckolding
  • Interview with Joshua – Joshua shares his interracial cuckold fantasy and explores how he is trying to get his lover into it.
  • Interview with Carol Ann (coming soon) – Carol describes what led her to secretly cuckold her husband with a young black man and what that experience was like.
  • Interview with Henry – A 40-something, married British male shares his cuckold fantasy and explains why he fantasizes about his wife cuckolding him with black men.

Addendum

After publishing this, there was some interesting questions/discussions and sharing of fantasies by women who found it arousing to imagine themselves being cuckolded. That is, the woman finds erotic pleasure watching (or fantasizing about) her man pleasing and being pleased by another woman. This could be a threesome where all three are playing with each other. It could also venture into the cuckold realm. In this case, the woman in the couple is called a “Cuckquean”. Sexual psychologist typically associate this fantasy with submissive women and place it within the BDSM fantasy/fetish.

NOTE: I am in the process of consolidating my work from various blogs into The Dionysian Experience. As part of this consolidation, I’m including comments from the original postings. I’ve made some wonderful connections on WordPress and these special souls, through their comments and interactions have touched me with their energy. Each one is a gift of time and energy I cherish. I always did my best to return the same energy to them on their blogs as well. As you will see throughout my blog, the older comments are interesting, often insightful, at times playful and naughty, and always the best part of the journey. If you are one that enjoys reading the discussion after posts, I hope you enjoy these:

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87 comments on “Cuckold Psychology: Mind Bender

  1. Kaylan
    May 15, 2017

    So well written and informative. My husband shares a similar fantasy. Once I said the thought of doing this turned me on, it is amazing how passionate our love making has become again.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Michael
      August 13, 2017

      Kaylan, I’m so sorry I missed this comment. I really appreciate you taking a moment to share your thoughts on cuckolding. I can so appreciate and imagine how the passion returned to your relationship after you shared this with your husband. Whenever a lover tells me this form of sexual play excites her, it makes me so crazy hot for her! 🔥It is so odd but nothing makes me want her more than knowing she is open to being with another man. I explore this in a post called Sperm Wars which is on my main blog at Cream of the Planet (where this post links to). Hope your summer is going well ~ Michael

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  2. Pingback: Video: Naughty Angel (Dominant Cuckold) | Dionysus and Black Bulls

  3. Tosha Michelle
    December 29, 2017

    This was indeed very enlightening. It’s nothing I’ve ever want to try but it’s fascinating to read about.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Michael
      December 29, 2017

      Totally understand your reaction to this but glad you found it interesting. It is interesting though what a woman is willing to explore when swept away and intoxicated with passion and love. I’ll leave it at that…you know the stories are coming. 🙂

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      • Tosha Michelle
        December 29, 2017

        Looking forward to them xx

        Liked by 1 person

  4. Tiffany
    December 29, 2017

    Michael, Thank you for your in-depth review of cuckolding from multiple perspectives. This is a subject that fascinates me and I’ve certainly had fantasies about it, even before seeing your initial post. While I can experience this in my mind, many things come up for me when I see myself in this situation in reality. So it is interesting to read your own process of working through some of those finer details, conquering your own fears head on (pun intended in several layers).
    Though not mentioned outright, I would also imagine that there is also a sense of ownership with reclaiming your woman after she has been gloriously fucked by another man with a larger cock. Knowing that even with the gift she has received from him, ultimately you, she is leaving with you, even if your cock size is not as large… Despite your relative “inadequacies,” she chooses you and to give of herself to fulfill your desires. That takes a strong relationship and a strong woman to do. For me, fear of rejection/abadonment and the vulnerability of spreading my legs wide for another man (and to some degree any man), also rise to the surface.
    Thank you for sharing! You’ve given me many things to think about. Love, Tiffany
    P.S. Hmm, Range Rover?! You’re teasing me!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Michael
      December 29, 2017

      Oh Tiffany, you are certainly touching some arousing places with these comments and also sharing some fascinating aspects from a woman’s perspective. There is so much I wanted to keep adding to this post. it was hard to stay in one lane and try to expand on one theme at a time. I totally connect with struggle around fantasy and actuality. Your mention of reclaiming is probably the keystone moment in this sexual adventure as a couple for both the man and his lover. In fact, I have a whole post coming up that centers around this. Larger cock and inadequacies…damn, pushing more hot buttons. 😉 This does take a strong deeply connected relationship and a strong woman. Despite the characterization of cuckolds in fantasy, in reality there are many who are strong alpha males and cuckolding reflects their self-confidence and trust in their lover. I can also appreciate your fears and vulnerability as well. I believe that in a healthy relationship, there is a lot of communication, discussing boundaries, and validation of arousal as it adds to the relationship. I can’t speak for all men, but I can assure you that my lover would have no concern about damaging the relationship. It would quickly be washed away in reclaiming and the afterglow. Thanks for the super-engaging comment. :-* As for the Rover, thought might tickle a fancee. 🙂

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      • Tiffany
        December 29, 2017

        Michael, whatever words I had to share were lost in the layers and folds of your last sentence. Tease! ❤️ Tiffany

        Liked by 1 person

  5. Aurora
    December 29, 2017

    This is so thoughtful and informative. When you wrote about fantasizing but hating it as soon as you came, I could definitely relate. I have some fantasies like that. I wonder if this goes other ways- a woman watching her man with another woman. Is that called something else? I wonder if the mental aspects are similar.
    Thanks for sharing your thoughts on this.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Michael
      December 29, 2017

      Thanks for checking this one out, Aurora 🙂 I was nervous to post this one…feels like a confession, ha! Getting comfortable with this fantasy took some time and sounds like you have had a similar experience. I imagine many of us go through this as we get into our wilder fantasies. I have come across women writing about this from the perspective of watching their man with another woman. I’m not sure if it called the same thing but I believe the same definition and essence I described would remain relevant. It has to be about the couple and their fun together. If the underlying drivers are different, it may be a different fantasy/fetish.

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      • Aurora
        December 29, 2017

        That’s sweet that you were nervous.
        I guess this is different than being a third in a 3-some with an established couple. But maybe some aspects are similar.

        Liked by 1 person

        • Michael
          December 29, 2017

          Aurora, it is as different as night and day. Fucking another man’s wife is one thing. Watching another fucking the woman you love and want to spend your life with…making her scream and cum…is a whole different experience. The mental and emotional burn is intense but sooo incredibly hot! 😉

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  6. Aurora
    December 29, 2017

    Oh, yes, I’m certain of that. I meant, I wonder if there is a whole different thing going on when someone is invited to be a partner for a threesome with an established couple. Because the third might fuck both of them…and then, I wonder if the other half of the couple goes through the same emotional burn. It’s probably different, at least in the aspect of being humiliated or something…esp if the third is another woman…There is no cock size issues or anything. I don’t know…

    Liked by 1 person

    • Michael
      December 29, 2017

      I’m confused but that’s okay… I will share more on this topic to tie things together and perhaps better differentiate cuckolding from threesomes and lifestyle couples (swapping and open relationships).

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      • Aurora
        December 29, 2017

        I’m talking about a 3-some where it’s a hetero couple with another woman and that woman fucks both of them. It’s not quite cuckolding. I’ve just never thought of what that couple might have been thinking… I have no experience being the couple part of things like that… KWIM?

        Liked by 1 person

        • Michael
          December 29, 2017

          Did a little research to your question about it going the other way. Turns out the woman is called a “cuckquean”. Sexual psychologist place this fantasy/fetish within BDSM for submissive women. I am a wiser man thanks to you. 🙂

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  7. Aurora
    December 29, 2017

    Awesome! Sex research is the most fun kind! 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  8. Kristi
    December 29, 2017

    i have so many thoughts after reading this. first, seeing the images and knowing the parties involved made this extremely smoldering. i can’t wait to read in the future the details of this particular connection. 🙂

    second, i find myself nodding my head in agreement with you about the amount of communication it takes to come out the other side of an event like this still being connected with your partner. having had the opportunity to dip my toes into these waters with my husband and at the time thinking we had covered ourselves with sharing with one another what this meant for each of us. why it turned us on, and so much more to find out that what he thought he felt and would be okay with he wasn’t… was hard to learn. and yet, here i am still giving him a free pass if you will to go out and pursue away if he ever wanted too. i’m a husbands fucking dream except to my husband. lol

    i’m getting totally off track with my response. anyway, the couple instances we had where someone else was involved were all very intense for me. i loved being able to watch him pleasure another woman and i loved the times when he was there and watching me be pleasured by another man. to be able to make eye contact with him while that was going on and knowing the heights he was able to take me too and that someone else was getting to experience that too was amazing. but it was really the bonding afterwards that was the best. when it was just the two of us left and we reconnected afterwards, claiming one another physically and emotionally. i loved it and i think you are probably onto something that it is more to do with being a mental turn on than a physical one. being able to share the experience afterwards and have the dialogue with one another was as much part of the reclaiming process for me as was him taking me physically.

    this was really a great write Michael and your ability to share your feelings on the subject is inspiring.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Michael
      December 29, 2017

      Sexy Kristi :-* Glad the images sparked some of the history and I will be writing about it. 😉 You ARE a husband’s dream, that’s for sure. I was never able to read about that journey you were building up too…the grand finale. I hope you saved some of those posts and will share them again…would love to savor the details of your hot adventure. Sorry, there was some struggle afterwards. I loved how you shared being connected with him in the moment…looking at him as another man is taking you…that eye contact is so important. You’ve mentioned the reclaiming before and it is such an erotically intense moment…hot, hot, hot!!! You know, you and your husband may have been more in a swapping scenario…but I can see a lot of overlap and commonalities depending on how it was experienced in terms of mental play. Regardless, you had the erotic buildup, fucked another man while he watched, and experienced the reclaiming. I do hope you’ll sure some of the fun! 🙂

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      • Kristi
        December 29, 2017

        i can share with you privately what i wrote about it although it was more to do with the build up than any of the actual acts that happened.

        it was definitely a learning experience for me that is for sure. i don’t know if there is a female equivalent for cuckold but i realized i very much enjoyed watching my husband with another woman. there was something about seeing him in ways i never had before and then asking him to describe to me afterwards how it felt that was so erotic and arousing for me. unfortunately in the end it didn’t have the same mental stimulation for him as it did for me. one never knows until they try though and at least he gave it a go.

        Liked by 1 person

        • Michael
          December 29, 2017

          I did a little more research on this and it does seem there is a female equivalent of the cuckold. In this fantasy/fetish, the woman is called a “cuckquean”. Sexual psychologists place this within BDSM and associate it with submissive females. As for your experience, it is so hot to read about what you were feeling and your thirst for details from your husband. This really reinforces a key point from this post. The person receiving the physical pleasure can’t just absorb it and be off to other things. The cuckold or cuckquean needs to the details and communication that connects them to the experience and ultimately to their lover through this mental stimulation. If time isn’t taken for this, it becomes a disconnected experience for the cuckold and the couple and doesn’t enhance the relationship. This isn’t a fantasy for someone that doesn’t want to go deep mentally.

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  9. Kristi
    December 29, 2017

    So you know i had to go read up for myself. i think i can safely say that i am a cuckquean, although i’m not sure most of the associated factors apply to me. like humiliation for instance, i’ve never once thought the experience of seeing him with another woman, thinking about him being with another woman or having another woman want to be with him as humiliating.

    maybe my brain doesn’t work like most people but there is a feeling of pride for me in it. like when your kid gets moved from 2nd chair to 1st chair in orchestra. proud mama moment. it’s seriously like that. husband fucks another woman. tap that ass, high five, proud wife. lol

    then of course the ultimate prize in all of it is like you’ve said which is the communication afterwards. i want to share in the celebration so to speak. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    • Amy
      December 29, 2017

      I did the same Kristi. Had to go read up on it just now in fact. Yes, it fits. How bizarre is that? I never would have associated this concept as a desire for me but there it is.
      I was going to explain more here and agree with you on a few points, including the humiliation aspect but I think I’m going to just write a post on this now as there has actually been quite a bit revealed for me through this.

      Michael proves the enlightening mentor as always. 😊

      Liked by 1 person

      • Kristi
        December 29, 2017

        I’ve been meaning to come and check your blog out and this is the push I need. Can’t wait to see your mind takes you with this one. And yes, Michael is quite the teacher isn’t he. 😉

        Liked by 1 person

        • Michael
          December 29, 2017

          Can’t wait to read this! Enlightening? You are too generous. Although, emitting light through shadows is certainly aspirational 🙂

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  10. Michael
    December 29, 2017

    Mmmm, sexy cuckquean…I like it! 🙂 Cuckolding is a VERY complex fantasy with a lot of layers. Humiliation can be present but not essential. It isn’t so much that watching feels humiliating…it really comes into play if having your husband or the other woman talking to you in a teasing way feels arousing. Being teased about relative cock size is an example. Most would find this hurtful, a cuckold may find it arousing if this layer is part of their fantasy. Of course, there is a spectrum in tone between teasing and humiliation. Your initial reaction this may come from exhibitionism and voyeurism. You are proudly showing off your husband and also enjoy watching him experience the gift of pleasure you have provided for him through another woman. I can totally see great pride coming from both (showing and watching). As for the communication…you know I totally get that! I have to have it to complete the adventure. 🙂

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  11. Tatum
    December 29, 2017

    This is extremely arousing for me. In fact, all of your posts are. I’m completely new to the erotica, cuckhold, sex stories but yours is extremely informative. I get turned on imagining my husband with another woman or him watching me with another man. But in real life I’m not quite sure we could manage it or recover from it. As you stated the couple would have to be strong & most of all secure. Thank you for schooling me on this subject. For now I’m going to check out the other posts you mentioned in this one. 😀

    Liked by 1 person

    • Michael
      December 29, 2017

      Thank you for the wonderful comment Tatum…and really enjoy knowing that you found it arousing! 🙂 As you mention, this particular post was more about informing and framing out the fantasy. I do have some experiences to share which illustrate how cuckolding plays out in fantasy and when translated into reality. I think it is really sexy that you imagine watching your husband or having him watching you… Your concern over making it a reality is important to listen to. You know, even if you never act on it, you guys can have a lot of fun playing with these fantasies through storytelling with each other. If he has a cuckold fantasy, he will find it very arousing to know you have fantasies about other men. If he doesn’t have this fantasy though…it will just make him mad. My most relevant post on this topic is American Gigolo: Rise where I share my experience as the Alpha male for a cuckold couple. 🙂

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  12. Amy
    December 29, 2017

    Michael, I found it interesting to read the other ladies discuss this from the other point of view. The man with another woman.

    I have no actual experience here and would have never thought this would be a fantasy that applied to me since I tend to be a jealous and possessive type. I’ve always been a “what’s mine is mine” woman, however, I have recently discovered maybe I enjoy being a bit of a voyeur? Especially with the man I’m involved with.

    In my recent situation it involves a man that isn’t mine in reality, but he is an intimate partner in a sense and listening to him describe being with a woman he was in love with previous to meeting me has been a HOT experience. I have shamelessly made him write every naughty detail to me like my own personal novel. I am still surprised that I don’t feel jealously listening to him describe her, or their sexual exploits in vivid detail.

    Instead, for me it’s more arousing I suppose because I can see inside his head some at what he thinks/feels in the moment. Also I can put myself in that scenario as the woman. I am beginning to understand that’s the recurring theme for how I operate though. I understand things and apply rationale and understanding by placing myself in other people’s shoes. In the real world, to watch this happening, I’m unsure if it would be the same scenario but the question is now raised. My curiosity is piqued on it. I think in a healthy, clearly communicated, relationship it could be a hot experience to watch. The lingering questions and self doubts would have to be dealt with forethought though. “What if he seems to respond better to her? Does he enjoy it with her more? Is she more pleasing to him? Does he prefer her body to mine?” Etc… The positive side is getting a view of how sexy he must look while doing the same things to me. As a 3rd party just observing I can watch his reactions to certain things. Maybe gain new perspective on what he likes, what I can do better.

    As the woman in a cuckolding relationship like the one you described, I don’t see it being nearly as vulnerable or uncomfortable a situation for the woman. She obviously doesn’t have jealousy to deal with or self doubt in her own desirability vs another woman. And she is fulfilling something that should be pleasing to her and at her partner’s request, for him. Doubly pleasing. That’s just my point of view though and I see it as an extension of being a natural flirt and tease. I’ve always enjoyed pushing the envelope with flirting while my man watched, gauging his reaction, knowing how far to press it before then turning my attentions back to him and declaring my loyalty. A tease as in, I could be with him, but I choose you, to bolster his ego in a sense? I’m not sure I understand the psychology around my own intention with those actions I guess. I suppose, right concept or not, this is in my head the ultimate tease in that sense.

    I found your graphics alluring and arousing as always and really enjoyed reading how you’ve connected your thoughts back to previous introspections. I can see validity in what you say here based on previous posts. Great post Michael! 😊Amy

    Liked by 1 person

    • Michael
      December 29, 2017

      Amy, you have left a treasure of goodies in here with this comment! I have so enjoyed to comments from others as well…this is often the most exciting part of the blog experience for me as we sift through the themes and I learn from others. Your excitement around watching the man you are love with has come up a few times. I’ve done a little digging and found out their is a female version of the cuckold. In this fantasy/fetish, she is called a “cuckquean”. Sexual psychologist place this fantasy with BDSM for submissive women. It is really exciting (arousing actually!) to read your thoughts as flow through different questions/concerns you might have as you think about this fantasy. There is nothing wrong with keeping it as a fantasy and having fun with it in a relationship. As you explore it in your own thoughts, you may find that the things you fear may actually turn you. For example, guys think a lot about cock size. My fantasy eventually evolved to include a guy with a bigger cock. It made me hot to think about my lover getting more. In fact, if the other guy has a smaller cock…it does very little for me. Your evolving fantasy may be heavily based on voyeurism or it might stem from underlying submissive desires. There are many layers of interplay within this fantasy. I love how you had your man write it all out…I can totally see you doing that, ha! Seriously though, that is the level of mental connection needed in this fantasy. A lover can’t just take the physical pleasure and moment, toss up a wall, and go on with life as if nothing happened. The cuckold needs that mental stimulation to connect with and complete the experience. They desire the erotic mind fuck. Finally, your perspective on teasing/flirting were awesome! Actually, it plays very well in cuckolding. Seeing my lover flirting with another man turns me on and makes me want to take her and fuck even her even harder for being naughty. I’m going to share a post on this soon. It plays out the same even if the woman actually fucks the other guy. In the end, it is sexual fun for the couple. She is my woman and she is coming home with me. I know it and she knows it. It is just a naughty sexual adventure to add some spice within a loving and emotionally committed relationship. It may not be for everyone and there are plenty of other kinks out there to fuel passion’s fire. Thanks so much for your wonderful addition to this topic and the nod to the visuals…they were very hot to work on. 😉

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      • Amy
        December 29, 2017

        I think for me it’s in part as you explained it. It’s the mind fuck. and yes, part of the naughty sexual adventure too, both ways. I’m anxious to read more of your thoughts as you delve deeper into this topic. Thank you for always enlightening us and always entertaining our comments.😊

        Liked by 1 person

        • Amy
          December 29, 2017

          Now, I’m more interested in reading about your fantasies around this! 😉 I hope my next post on this topic is worthy of your gracious feedback. 🙂

          Liked by 1 person

  13. Nicole
    December 29, 2017

    Hi Michael,

    This was a very interesting and introspective read. Mark read it first and directed me here. I concur with your definition of a cuckold fantasy – that it’s not so much about the man being forced to cower and submit to watching another man fuck the woman he loves; it’s more about the mental, emotional and sexual stimulation that it provides for him, and for her.

    I think at the end of the day there is great satisfaction that the woman can be fucked by another man, perhaps with a bigger cock (although size is not everything), and enjoy it thoroughly – but still return to Him nevertheless. That I can have mind-blowing sex with another man and he may give me multiple orgasms, but my love and my heart belongs to Him nevertheless, and that it is Him alone that can satisfy me mentally, emotionally and sexually.

    I must say that your post has turned me on very much – but more than that, your mind and intellect is a greater turn on. ;p I am now extremely tempted to ask Mark if he would ever allow such a fantasy to play out between us… I believe that if done right, it will enhance our relationship.

    – Nicole

    Liked by 1 person

    • Michael
      December 29, 2017

      Hi Nicole, thanks so much for taking time to share your thoughts on this topic…they are amazing! 🙂 Your reflection around your man not cowering and submitting are refreshing. While some men do get off on the teasing/humiliation, it doesn’t have to be present. I certainly agree with your perspective on the tone and sensuality between lovers on their naughty adventure.

      Your second paragraph just took my breath away…having mind-blowing sex with another man but it is your Man that your heart belongs too…regardless of cock size, your Man alone provides that deep mental, emotional, and sexual fulfillment. I have an upcoming post devoted to love in cuckolding but what you shared perfectly captures that spirit. The influence of love is so often missing in cuckold porn and erotica. Yet, it is the very foundation of the experience…this is what creates the mental burn for the cuckold. Without love, it is just voyeurism.

      Finally, I have to admit that I really turned on knowing you found this post arousing. If done right, a sexually adventurous couple can have intermittent cuckold adventures that enhance the passion and, ironically, the intimacy in their relationship. Now, to find the right guy… Hmmm, if only I knew someone that was fun to play with and always had the couples experience in mind… 😉 Thanks for sharing your thoughts, Nicole. If you and Mark go forward with this, I so hope you will share the buildup, moment, and afterglow with us through your blog! 🙂

      Like

      • Nicole
        December 29, 2017

        Hi Michael,

        I will say that I am definitely looking forward to reading your upcoming post on love in cuckolding. I am sure it will be an interesting read and bring a fresh perspective. That’s what your posts do for me – they usually bring a new, alternate perspective to various topics.

        I totally get what you mean by a cuckold adventure enhancing passion and intimacy in a relationship. It’s like a sense of “going home” to what is familiar, comfortable and passionate after an encounter with someone whom you have only known carnally.

        Hmm… I do wonder if you’re located anywhere near us, because I would love to explore this fantasy with someone like you! Mark & I have talked about it and he’s totally on board if you were to join us for an experience like that! ;p

        – Nicole

        Liked by 1 person

        • Michael
          December 29, 2017

          The reaction to this post has been so unexpectedly positive. I was hesitant to share these thoughts but should have known the sexually adventurous would appreciate the erotic layers. It is super-hot that you and Mark are considering this experience. Not that you guys need it but the buildup is such a fun and hot part of the journey to connect around…not to mention the moment and the reclaiming. To be part of that journey with a sexy couple is an honor…and fucking hot!

          Like

  14. JFBreak
    December 29, 2017

    Great conversation. There are so many resources these days. If you want to understand the various aspects, I highly encourage checking out Our Hotwives, it is a forum that has been around for years, and was an offshoot of a forum that had been around for at least a decade before. So many variations of the Hotwife, Cuckold, Cuckqueen, Swinger labels. I think regardless of label, these are varsity level kinks, and not for the people trying to fix a relationship. If you are not on solid ground, danger ahead!

    The link is: http://ourhotwives.org/forum/index.php

    Liked by 1 person

  15. Sid
    December 29, 2017

    I have often fantasized about cuckolding but never said anything to anyone or even attempted to act on it. Everything I saw and read made the cuckold look to be a person who is humiliated, weak and dominated by their partner and the “Bull” and that is not me at all. I never stopped to think about the healthy side of it as you wrote. I loved to see my partner satisfied by another and we always had that connection throughout the evening and they liked to see me satisfied as well. The thing is the stigma of the cuckold being portrayed in that manner. After reading this I have a different perspective and I am beginning to look at it in a whole different light. This was very erotic, informative and down right hot.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Michael
      December 29, 2017

      Thanks so much for the thoughtful comment. Admitting this fantasy to a lover is a big step. It can be embarrassing to share with someone and confusing to the woman hearing it…timing and open trusting communication is so very important. It sounds like the humiliation often associated with cuckolding rubs you the wrong way also. Humiliation seems to a popular aspect for many cuckolds but does seem to be on a spectrum from humiliations to teasing to none at all. Cuckolding is definitely one of my favorite sexual fantasies and it is exciting to know you find this arousing too. 🙂 I have a lot more to share on this topic and look forward to reading your thoughts on the fantasy as well.

      Like

      • Sid
        December 29, 2017

        I have an interest/fantasy of learning more about cuckold and being a part of it whether it is as one half of the couple or the third. I don’t like the way that it portrayed a weak, humiliating or berated by a woman or bull as you mentioned. I am not into humiliation nor am I weak. So this puts a damper on my vision of fulfilling it.

        An important aspect of this is your emotions and I am glad that you mentioned that. I have had sex with others while my partner was there and I have seen her with another and all my emotions were disconnected from the others and remained with my partner. We kept eye contact, which is very important to us, to make sure we were still on the same page. While it can be fun, hot and sexual the emotions have to be in check at all times. It can quickly turn on you and become ugly.

        I get aroused in seeing my partner with another man or woman as much as me being with another man or woman. It’s a different kind of turn on for me just as having a threesome or just being with my partner is a different feeling altogether.

        I loved this post and the topic. It is nice to hear that there is someone else who view cuckolding as I do. I enjoyed reading this post and learning more about you and your thoughts. You mentioned a couple of other posts in this one and I am looking forward to reading them as well as your others.

        Liked by 1 person

  16. Carisa
    December 29, 2017

    I loved this post!!! I know woman always have these fantasies but rarely go through it. it’s nice to read where couples continue the fantasy. Very cool Read 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    • Michael
      December 29, 2017

      When you say women have this fantasy…I imagine you are talking about being with two men, right? A threesome is a little different angle compared to being with another man as you cuckold your lover. Regardless, both are HOT! Maybe you’ll share a hot story around this one day…please! :p

      Like

  17. Lisa
    December 29, 2017

    I’ve been exploring the world of lesbian cuckolding (a woman dominating and sexually satisfying a man’s wife or gf to the point that she leaves him or at least humiliates him.) My blog is all about that, and several of my books are directly on that subject.I love your exploration of the topic!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Michael
      December 29, 2017

      Your writing sounds like an interesting twist on the fantasy. 🙂 I’m on a bit of a personal crusade to discuss cuckolding within a loving relationship (the way I have experienced it) where it is ultimately about the couple’s journey together…the experience occurs because it turns the couple on and, once it is over, they are even hotter for one another. Playful teasing/humiliation comes from a place of love with intent to arouse the cuckold and there is no vibe around the relationship ending…the experience actually fuels passion within the relationship. All of that said, your exploration of the genre is certainly the most popular portrayal of cuckolding. Look forward to checking out your writing. Thanks so much for stopping by and sharing your thoughts 🙂

      Like

  18. Carly
    December 29, 2017

    The biggest ‘aha’ moment here for me has been ‘He is taking a mental and emotional spanking’. This may seem like the most simplistic view of cuckolding but it’s the description that takes my breath. That is a desire I understand on a visceral level.
    The struggle for me has been that I’m not interested in having sex with someone else. However, as a mindfuck, well, that is a whole other story now isn’t it?
    It was also interesting to me that you noted this might be more for the ‘cerebrally inclined’. I am constantly challenged by him on an intellectual level and it’s as arousing as his company. Thanks for the this wonderful guide!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Michael
      December 29, 2017

      Hi Carly, thanks so much for exploring this post and your thoughtful comment😊 I loved the way you expressed your reaction and the feelings coursing through you as you took it in and merged it with your own experiences. While I tried to keep this post broad and applicable to most with this fantasy. I learned a bit about my variation of the fantasy in your reply. It is hottest for me when a woman feels the way you do about your man. Your true feelings are that you don’t want anyone else. You love him and your relationship is strong…all important. Your excitement around pleasing him opens your mind to the fantasy and maybe it stays as mental play and adds even more intensity to your sex. Perhaps it goes further if the fantasy begins to truly become yours. Still, the bottom line is that is about your journey together and pleasing one another. Given your love for him, I’m sure it will be his greatest mind-fuck and release ever🔥🔥🔥☺️

      Like

  19. Sameera
    December 29, 2017

    I wish I could be fucked by u…

    Liked by 1 person

    • Michael
      December 29, 2017

      Whew, now you have me dreaming and fantasizing! Love the sexual energy and passion you have shared with me today, mmmm!🔥🔥🔥😘

      Like

      • Sameera
        December 29, 2017

        U too feeling sexy right?

        Like

  20. Ttroika
    December 29, 2017

    I found this post to be educating. I like the way you view cuckolding. I do hope you share more on your exploration in this subject.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Michael
      December 29, 2017

      Glad you enjoyed the exploration and appreciate the comment. You might enjoy the “Sperm Wars” post and “Naughty Angel” video as well. I’ll definitely have more….😊

      Like

  21. Life in Chastity
    December 29, 2017

    I’ve had the same fantasy since I was a kid. My honest and true fantasy has always been to be totally under the absolute control of a beautiful woman and has always involved chastity. I don’t know why or where it came from, but it’s a big part of who I am. The bottom line is that if you have fantasies, run with them. Find that special someone that’s not going to give you the “have you lost your damn mind” look and just get busy.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Michael
      December 29, 2017

      Hey brother, thanks so much for the comments and checking out some of my posts! 🙂 I’m doing some business travel with limited WordPress time but look forward to replying to your awesome comments and also exploring your blog. I haven’t dived too deeply into the Femdom world but look forward to exploring your world! 🙂

      Like

  22. PF
    December 29, 2017

    I have had this fantasy, but it is not something that I would engage in with an actual partner. The Cuckolding fantasy for me would only with a virtual partner.

    Where the cuckolding fantasy is voluntary and complicit, it is ultimately about sexual control. It is my belief that the male wants to maintain control over the female. In the complicit cuckolding, the cuckold man retains control, to at least some level, over the female. If the female gains pleasure from the experience, then it is because the cuckold male has permitted it.

    With regards to humiliation, there can only be two scenarios. Either the cuckold male is willingly complicit or he is not. If the cuckold male is willingly complicit, then the humiliation is effectively simulated. But in the end, he still has control.

    But if the cuckold is not willingly complicit, then he is not living his own fantasy. He is effectively the victim of abuse.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Michael
      December 29, 2017

      Thanks for stopping by and leaving such an engaging comment. I can understand your hesitancy to actually experience this. The distance between actually experiencing the fantasy and virtual partner can be significant because there is no deep emotional connection in the virtual setting…at least this connection isn’t likely to be as strong. The emotional connection is an essential part of the cuckold experience. Without this, it can be fun but it isn’t the same experience. Perhaps you might be able to discuss it with a lover but still keep it in the fantasy realm. Only use it as a form of sexual play between the you and your lover without actually intending to make it a reality. I agree with your points around the cuckold ultimately being in control. Porn’s portrayal of this fantasy paints a very different picture but, as you point out, the cuckold gets pleasure from being cuckolded. If it isn’t pleasurable, the fantasy becomes something else. Thanks for stopping by and engaging ~ Michael

      Like

      • Sergebagnon
        December 29, 2017

        This is where I am too. Not sure about doing this IRL . I don’t think I’m looking for humiliation….but this is a powerful act

        Liked by 1 person

        • Michael
          December 29, 2017

          I agree Sergebagnon, this is such a hot moment to think about…even to live out if you and your lover reach that level of comfort with the fantasy. Thanks for sharing your thoughts and adding to the discussion, my friend.

          Like

        • Sergebagnon
          December 29, 2017

          Very intense. Something I’ve been contemplating for some time. Not sure why exactly but this excites me but I’m unsure about engaging

          Liked by 1 person

        • Michael
          December 29, 2017

          Thanks for reading this and taking a moment to share your thoughts. I share your curiosity about why this fantasy is exciting. I have written several posts devoted to exploring the psychology behind this fantasy. Cuckolding is the #2 searched sexual term in the world…so you are not alone.😊

          Like

  23. CuckoldQueen
    December 29, 2017

    As I am still pretty new to the cuckolding scene, I found this post to be very insightful. i started my blog as a way to tell my story start to finish because it isnt something that anyone in my life knows about. I went into my relationship knowing that it was a fetish of his. At first I was dead against it but the more I thought about it the more I found myself turned on by the idea….so here we are now. I will continue to read your post and I’m looking forward to gaining more knowledge from you! Thank you so much

    Liked by 1 person

    • Michael
      December 29, 2017

      Thank you so much for the wonderful comment. I appreciate you sharing that this post was helpful. I write about cuckolding as a way to help others (and myself) better understand a often misunderstood kink/fetish. I’m especially fascinated by how women think about cuckolding and really look forward to engaging with you as you share what I’m sure will be a very erotic adventure 😊🔥My cuckold-related posts are spread out a bit. From, my home page you see a category called “Cuckold Psychology” which has them all in one space. Thanks for stopping by and reading my naughty secrets☺️

      Like

  24. Hard8BBC4MWF
    December 29, 2017

    Reblogged this on BLACK COCK 4 HER DISCREET and commented:

    Liked by 1 person

  25. Pingback: Cuckolding: A Brief Introduction | The Dionysian Experience

  26. Pingback: Cuckolding: A Submissive Woman’s Perspective | The Dionysian Experience

  27. Pingback: Video: Naughty Angel (Dominant Cuckold) | The Dionysian Experience

  28. Robert
    January 15, 2018

    Takes my breath away!

    Like

    • Michael
      January 15, 2018

      Thanks for sharing such a hot reaction!🔥It is always exciting to arouse others…😈

      Like

  29. Poserreality
    January 15, 2018

    I think this is the hottest to explore!

    Like

    • Michael
      January 15, 2018

      I agree with you, the “mind fuck” is such a hot path to explore.

      Like

  30. Karen
    January 15, 2018

    Very interesting dynamic. The good girl tells me I should say your naughty….but then there’s an attraction to hang out with you and see what kind of exciting drama or action comes next. 😉

    Like

    • Michael
      January 15, 2018

      What you see and feel coming from me is an energy that also resides in you. Stick around, I will try to set it free…

      Like

      • Karen
        January 15, 2018

        This is fascinating. It’s an in depth scientific explanation while still recognizing the emotional facet it involves. I want to fully absorb your writing and its value. I hope we can discuss. 😉

        Like

        • Michael
          January 15, 2018

          So glad you found this interesting. 🔥I’ve thought a lot about this kink and written extensively on it over the years. The emotional aspect of cuckolding for the couple is something that is so often overlooked and always ignored in porn. As always, I’m curious about your thoughts…

          Like

  31. Zabhela
    January 15, 2018

    That is hot, and so true…

    Like

    • Michael
      January 15, 2018

      Thank you, my brother. I wrote this as a way to help women understand what a man with a cuckold fetish finds hot about it. Great to hear someone with a similar kink also agrees.

      Like

      • Zabhela
        January 15, 2018

        Everyone has different paths, if they are brave enough to explore the path. This particular path is one of the hottest

        Like

  32. Karen
    January 15, 2018

    #1 My first thought is this nothing to take lightly. Once things happen, once revealed, once experienced, they are out there…or as some say, “the cats out of the bag.” Do they say that? Lol. I think you know what I mean.

    Hubby and I have discussed this and I’ve always said, this is not to be taken lightly. As I thought through the early ideas and invitations he had suggesting I play outside our marriage I was skeptical, a doubter, and yes against it.

    But it doesn’t mean I didn’t develop a curious focus towards it. But as I explored it a discovered a whole slew of thoughts and ideas surrounding it. That just made me keep trying to learn and understand.

    Could it be as easy as just meeting some else for sex? Sure – but that’s cheap and meaningless. I didn’t want that.

    So I kept seeking information and that’s lead me to this point. I’ll have more to share.

    Like

  33. Michael
    January 15, 2018

    Thank you for the very thoughtful comment.😘 You seem to be very thoughtful about the reality around cuckolding and it is always a great approach to think through this before moving from fantasy to reality. As you said perfectly, once experienced there is no denying what was felt. And, if the experience is positive, it will be hard to go back to life as normal knowing what type of pleasure is actually out there. Cuckolding has many variations. Given your curiosity around submission and cuckolding, there is a variation known as the “dominant cuckold” which may blend well with your desires. You might enjoy “My Submission (To You) and the video “Naughty Angel”. Both are available from my home page in the cuckold category.

    Like

    • Karen
      January 15, 2018

      Yup, there’s a lot to discuss regarding this topic. Then, there are a bunch of other things too…so much floating around my mind.

      Like

  34. KJ
    January 15, 2018

    I have a theory about cuckolding. Perhaps some of the fantasy is watching ones “angel” or “goddess” showing her “true colours” and enjoying being corrupted and used as another man’s “whore”? Of course, in the white American psyche, the black man plays the role of “pimp” or “corrupter”. So in this age-old Edenesque fantasy or Angel – Corrupter – Whore, surely the only role left for the Cuckold to play is, erm, Saviour?

    Like

    • Michael
      January 15, 2018

      KJ, thanks so much for this incredibly insightful comment. I have researched, experienced (as cuckold and bull), and written a lot about cuckolding. I believe you are hitting on a key theme deep in the psyche of most cuckolds. There are others but this gets to the erotic, psychological, and emotional burn most cuckolds feel. I’ve seen through some favs and other comments that you been looking around my galleries, thank you. You may have noticed that I do have some images of interracial cuckolding to include an angel with a dark angel which visually represents your theory. You may also be familiar with “Courtly Love” which is goddess-like love without sex because of its purity. Cuckolding is the antithesis. Erotic tension emerges between these contrasting edges when there is a longing/desire for both states. The ancient Greeks attributed this realm of contrast and inversion to Dionysus (of whom I also create images). I have more posts on this topic coming up and hope you will check them out. I believe the cuckold is drawn to the Dionysian archetype. He wasn’t the Saviour nor was he the Devil. Dionysus was both.

      Like

      • KJ
        January 15, 2018

        A lot has been written about the similarity of Dionysus/Bacchus to Jesus Christ – both were wine Gods whose followers used bread and wine in their ceremonies. Both were killed and returned to life after death. Both emphasised and promised a personal religious experience, transcending the bindings of tradition. And the eternal ring which binds these opposites together – good and evil; love and hate; courtly love and its “antithesis”; the Madonna and the Whore – cannot be thought, but can only be experienced. The closest we can get to depicting it is to show a pristine angel, on her back, her wings fully spread, in a state of pure ecstasy as she is so willingly fucked in both her body and her mind by her antithesis; that vile, filthy tormentor of whom she is – as we all are – inextricably a part.

        And you do such a great job of depicting her!

        Like

        • Michael
          January 15, 2018

          You my friend, have nothing to learn from me. But, I am thankful to have a kindred soul out their in the world. Your summation was like hands massaging my mind and soul. It feels amazing that this image called forth these thoughts from you as similar thoughts called forth this image. I appreciate you.

          Like

  35. Edgeer
    January 15, 2018

    Plenty of people would benefit from the information you have passed on. Two thumbs up and I hope you keep going with items of this approach.

    Like

    • Michael
      January 15, 2018

      Thank you, I’m glad it didn’t put you to sleep and that you found it interesting. I’ll keep expanding on the themes and share some actual erotic stories (experiences) too.

      Like

      • Edgeer
        January 15, 2018

        My wife and I find erotica very rewarding. I would recommend it to anyone.

        Like

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