Cuckold: All The World's A Stage
Black Mystique is a series of posts focused on the psychology of the interracial cuckolding fetish. My exploration of this subject narrows the scope of interracial cuckolding to specifically refer to cuckold play between black men and white couples. My interviews are intended to show differences in how people perceive and experience the fantasy as well as uncovering common themes.
Setting the Stage
Neuroscientists Ogi Ogas and Sai Gaddam analyzed one billion sex-related search terms as research for their 2012 book, A Billion Wicked Thoughts. They found that cuckold-related searches rank #2 among most searched for sexual content on the internet. Ogas and Gaddam drilled down even deeper. After gaining access to the database of a popular cuckold erotica site, they identified the following as the most common two-word search phrases: Black Cock #1, Black Man #2, and Big Black #6. Cuckolding and interracial sex are separate fetishes but they are often intertwined in sexual fantasies and, as the data suggests, very popular.
The distinction between interracial relationships in general and interracial sex as a kink should be noted. The former refers to people falling in love without regard to ethnic differences. The latter sexualizes and eroticizes ethnic differences and is the focus of my exploration. The interracial sex fetish flows both ways and isn’t only the sexual fetishization of black men by “some” white people. There are also “some” black men that fetishize white women and white wives. Each derives added sexual pleasure from the interracial layers of these sexual liaisons.
Carol Ann is a 43 year-old, white female married to a doctor that is several years her senior. Carol Ann once wrote about an affair she had several years ago with a young black man. I was fascinated by her story and reached out to see if she would be interested in sitting through an interview to discuss the allure of interracial sex and the Black Mystique. After explaining my intent and exposing her to some of my writing on creamoftheplanet.com, she agreed. Based on how cuckolding is practiced as a fetish, Carol’s story isn’t really cuckolding since her husband was unaware of it. However, it does shed some real-world perspective on the potential allure of black men to white women and the psychology behind that allure.
Michael: Thank you for agreeing to this interview.
Carol Ann: Sure. I’m nervous but interested in talking with you about this. You seem well informed on the subject already so I’m not sure I can tell you much that you don’t already know. I’m hoping it may clear some things up for me though.
Michael: You are very kind. The thoughtful perspective of women on this topic is something that is missing in the larger discussion of interracial cuckolding and interracial sex. What you share will be an important contribution.
Carol Ann: We’ll see.
Michael: I understand your husband is a doctor. Most of us would consider this to be quite an accomplishment and probably affords you a high standard of living. From the outside looking in, many will think you have everything. What was missing in your life that led to your affair?
Carol Ann: His work takes so much of his time. He spends long hours from home at his clinic, in the hospital, or traveling for medical conferences. Whenever he is home, he seems exhausted and has little energy left for me. I felt emotionally and physically neglected.
Michael: Unfortunately, far too many women can identify with this. Did you ever talk with him about how you felt?
Carol Ann: I did but he only dismissed my feelings as silly and immature. He points around the house and tells me how his work has provided for everything we enjoy and a lifestyle beyond what we ever imagined. It provides vacations for us all over the world. His work has allowed our children to attend the best universities and secure their futures. For all of this, he tells me I should be more supportive of him and more attentive to what he needs.
Michael: How does it make you feel when he says that?
Carol Ann: He has given me a lot and I do appreciate everything he has done. I try to do things for him and be sexually available to him. He’s just not interested. I am a person too and I also have needs…physical needs, emotional needs, and sexual needs. I don’t understand why he doesn’t want to touch me or seem to need sex. I wish he saw me as beautiful and desirable. What am I supposed to do?
Michael: You are a beautiful woman and have really taken care of yourself. Your erotic mind is spectacular too. He is definitely missing out on you for sure. How often do you and your husband have sex?
Carol Ann: Thank you, Michael. Flattery will get you everywhere. Maybe even in my bed, lol! Then again, judging from your blog, you are a busy man and I might have to wait in line.
Michael: Now you are making me blush. My stories span a lifetime. It only seems like there is a lot going on.
Carol Ann: You are humble and confident, I like that in a man. I was actually referring to rather hot comments to your posts.
Michael – Ah, those women are amazing and so much fun. We’re just writers having a little flirty fun and putting a spring in one another’s step to make the days a bit more enticing. So, how often do you have sex with your husband?
Carol Ann: Well, I’m enticed. Okay, sex with my husband? We usually have sex only after I complain, which isn’t often. Even then, it feels very perfunctory and devoid of any passion. Honestly, it is barely worth complaining about. Maybe once or twice a year. I think some years have passed without us having sex at all.
Michael: Sorry to hear that. This puts you in a tough spot. Human touch, intimacy, and feeling desired is something we all need. So, time passed as your disappointment rose. Then you met DeMarcus. Tell me about this young black man.
Carol Ann: Oh DeMarcus, he was such a dear, delightful young man. I met him while we were both doing some volunteer work. He played football for the local college and was often volunteering at these events too. He exuded such vitality, spontaneity, and virility. DeMarcus was so full of fun and always made me laugh.
Michael: So, as I mentioned a few weeks ago, I am exploring the psychology around interracial sex as a kink. People sometimes eroticize ethnic differences. For example, a white male may eroticize Asian women and vice versa. The same is sometimes true of black men and white women. Do you think you were drawn to DeMarcus in a unique way because he was black?
Carol Ann: Oh my, this is uncomfortable.
Michael: Take your time. This question is really gets to central point of inquiry for this interview.
Carol Ann: I think it might have felt the same or even better to have the same attention coming from you. I’m feeling rather flustered right now having your attention and talking about sex.
Michael: You are something else young lady! You are really making me work for this, ha! Setting us aside for the moment, do you think it would have felt the same to receive the same attention from a young white man at that point in your life?
Carol Ann: Sorry dear. Yes, I found it immensely exciting to have a black man flirting with me. I would have still been flattered but the whole dynamic changed with DeMarcus being black.
Michael: Tell me more about this “dynamic”?
Carol Ann: I’ve been thinking about this since you first contacted me. Here goes nothing or everything. It felt very taboo. Throughout my life, it was made very clear to me and all my friends that it was unacceptable to date black boys. This admonishment would follow with a list of negative attributes to include them being over-sexed. I was told that what they really wanted more than anything was to sexually ravage white women and ruin us with their over-sized sexual organ. If we were to ever allow this to happen, we would be cast out of polite society and left to fend for ourselves. Having black sex would change our lives. It all felt very scary as a young girl, but it also made me curious.
Michael: Wow, this is great insight you are sharing. I appreciate the transparency. Give me just a moment to take this in. So, as you were growing up you perceived black men as being dangerous, more sexual, and as possessing larger genitalia.
Carol Ann: Yes, we felt like they might split us in two or at least ruin us for any potential white suitor.
Michael: As you think about this now, how do such childhood tales of caution stand up over time?
Carol Ann: That attitude does seem like a relic from another era. I never had such conversations with my daughters. I can’t even imagine saying such things. I only want them to be happy and it doesn’t matter what the boy looked like as long as he loves her and takes care of her. This was true even before I began having sex with black men. I think things like this are still said in some homes but, overall, it is fading with time and the passing of each generation. Younger people are more open minded these days and better informed.
Michael: I agree with this assessment. You mentioned having a curiosity about the size of black men. Can you describe the appeal of a large penis to you?
Carol Ann: Before I married, I dated a couple of other boys. I wanted to have sex but felt like I had to make each of them wait for a long time. It was what I was supposed to do. If I had sex too early, they would think badly about me and I might even get a bad reputation. That would have been the most shameful thing ever. Even when I finally did have sex, it was always disappointing. They would get on top of me and orgasm rather quickly. Then, it was over. They all basically had the same size penis and I guess I associated sexual satisfaction with penis size. These men disappointed me and I wanted more. I wanted to explore the full potential of my sexuality. If having a large penis makes a man more sexual, and black men had larger penises, then I wanted to have sex with black men. I couldn’t though for fear of being banished from my family and friends and losing all hope of ever getting married.
Michael: Did you talk to these men about your needs?
Carol Ann: No, I didn’t feel like I could. I wasn’t supposed to be a sexual being or want sex for the sake of pleasure. Sex was an act of love and not about pleasure. This is how good girls are supposed to be. I was interested in finding a husband and these men wouldn’t want a woman for a wife that had such base, animalistic desires. They wanted to marry a good girl.
Michael: Yes, you tapped on the virgin-whore dichotomy a couple times in your recent replies. I once wrote a bit on this in a post called Hestia vs. Aphrodite: Cognitive Dissonance. This is something that is very real and it is tough for women to successfully navigate their sexuality and primal urges. So, earlier you mentioned an association with penis size to heightened sexuality. You have obviously seen DeMarcus’s penis, were you happy with what you found?
Carol Ann: The first time I saw DeMarcus naked, I was absolutely mesmerized. I felt overwhelmed yet so appreciative to have the opportunity to be in the presence of such a magnificent specimen. My husband has a penis. DeMarcus didn’t have a penis, he had a large, strong, veiny cock with a plump purplish head possessing a large ridge. My heart and my lady parts tingled with wanton desire. His rich, dark cock commanded my submission.
Michael: Whew. That was a hot visual. Tell me more about sexual liaisons with DeMarcus?
Carol Ann: That turned you on? Good! I have to keep reminding myself that these things also excite you. DeMarcus was a very creative and adventurous lover…the best I have ever had. I tell you, after feeling that wonderful cock inside me, there was nothing I wouldn’t do to please him just to feel his magnificent cock opening me up and stretching me to my limits and beyond. He had some kinks too. DeMarcus enjoyed restraining me and took great pleasure in spanking my bottom. Sometimes he would even take off his belt and whip me with it.
Michael: Did you enjoy this?
Carol Ann: Oh god, yes! Sometimes I would wince or even cry but it was always connected to pleasure. I felt like I deserved it. As amazing as DeMarcus made feel, it wasn’t a guilt-free experience. I never went into my marriage thinking I would be an unfaithful wife. I just felt so unfulfilled, neglected, and sexually repressed. My behavior bothered me and I think that is why I enjoyed being spanked. He was punishing me for my wild desires. It made him hot too and I wanted to excite him and be his fantasy woman.
Michael: The enjoyment of your bondage and discipline as a way to release your guilt is fascinating. It may have very well released your feelings of guilt so you were free to more fully enjoy the pleasure ahead. It is also interesting that you saw yourself as fulfilling a fantasy of his. Would he also say naughty things while he was handling you this way?
Carol Ann: He often taunted me while spanking my bottom. He would call me names and make me say shameful things.
Michael: Did this excite you?
Carol Ann: Yes.
Michael: Can you share a few examples?
Carol Ann: Sorry, I’m feeling a little shy all of the sudden.
Michael: I understand. Things feel different when we aren’t in the heat of moment. I really appreciate all that you are sharing. It is helping me make some connections and will bring some of my research to life with real-life stories. I can wait or we can move onto another question.
Carol Ann: Thank you for your patience and understanding. Things would get pretty heady at times and I wasn’t always sure if what he said was for his enjoyment or mine. He liked calling me his black cock slut, his white slut, cum slut, and such filthy things. He would tell me that he was going to bring his friends over and let them have their way with me. He liked hearing me say things to. I would tell him that I was his white woman and he owned my white pussy. If he wanted to share me with his friends, I told him I would do it to please him.
Michael: This is some rather charged erotic dialogue between you and DeMarcus. You know, this isn’t uncommon or even shocking within the fetish realm of interracial sex. You aren’t alone and have no need to feel uncomfortable about it with me. Tell me, did the thought of having his friends present excite you even more?
Carol Ann: Oh yes, in those moments where he was dominating me the thought of being sexually ravaged by a group of young black men took my sexual excitement to an even higher level. The thought of them using me to satisfy their majestic cocks makes me weak even now when I think about it.
Michael: You felt a sense of taboo excitement with DeMarcus alone so I can see how the thought of having several black men at once takes it to another level. Multiple male fantasies are common among women. Yours happens to have additional psychologically erotic layers of interracial sex, submission, and masochism at play. You many even have an element of the “Fuck Doll” fantasy in play. Did DeMarcus ever provide you with this multiple-male experience?
Carol Ann: Yes, eventually he did invite several of his friends over and it became a regular part of our get togethers. The presence of these dark, fit men with very large cocks was nothing less than intoxicating. To see them all so strong and hard for me made me feel like a sexual goddess.
Michael: Did you have sex with each of them?
Carol Ann: Oh yes, of course. DeMarcus would place me on my back with my wrists bound and the men would then have their way with me.
Michael: Share a memory from one of these moments that still excites you today?
Carol Ann: Hmmm, I have a lot of exciting memories. I liked having one of them between my legs…inside me…as another pushed his heavy cock in my mouth and forced me to perform oral sex on him. DeMarcus, would grab my hair and force me to take his friends deeper into my mouth while verbally demeaning me for my wanton behavior. At other times, he would pull on my nipples and slap my breasts around.
Michael: This is quite a scene to imagine a sophisticated woman like yourself bring immersed in. Because it happened multiple times, is it safe to assume you enjoyed these moments and being treated this way?
Carol Ann: Oh god yes, I loved it! I’m getting excited all over again just sharing these memories.
Michael: As you are with these men, how would these play sessions end? Give me a sense of where the men orgasmed and how it was as the men or you left the room when it was over.
Carol Ann: Whew, you are asking some really intimate and detailed questions. I’m beginning to think you are getting turned on.
Michael: Ha! I do have scholarly reasons for the questions I ask. And, yes, your story is definitely turning me on.
Carol Ann: Good, it is exciting me to share this with you too. I may have an exhibitionist streak. Maybe you would like to join sometime for a first-hand account?
Michael: I thought you preferred black men?
Carol Ann: I’m sure I can make an exception. Or, given your cuckold fantasy, maybe you would prefer to watch me with a black man?
Michael: Okay Carol Ann, you are seriously distracting me…in a good way. We can come back to this later. Where did the men cum?
Carol Ann: You are acting like my husband by passing up sex in the pursuit of work and more cerebral interests.
Michael: Ouch! What we are doing is sexual on some levels. It is something like “mind sex” or at least a form of mental foreplay. I’m aroused and you’re aroused, right? We are getting close to end of this interview but it doesn’t mean our communication has to end. How would these sessions end?
Carol Ann: You’re right, we are having fun. Okay, the men would each take turns between my legs. One after the other, their strong, thick cocks would fill me with their wonderful sperm. It felt so amazing to bring these men to orgasm and feel them releasing inside me. With each successive entry, the accumulation of semen between my legs only enhanced the sexual energy for all of us. Sometimes the men would have a second or third orgasm and would finish in my mouth on my chest. They seemed though to prefer coming inside me.
Michael: I’m having a hard time focusing. Ummm, okay. There is some compelling literature on a subject called “Sperm Wars” that explains how the presence of other men ejaculating inside a woman generates a biological drive in other men for increased sperm production and the capacity for multiple orgasms in an effort to compete. This can certainly enhance the sexual energy in the room. Sperm Wars: Seeding Passion’s Flame How did these sessions end?
Carol Ann: It was always very pleasant. DeMarcus’s friends enjoyed laying around and caressing me as we talked and laughed. I would always get warm wash clothes and clean them up as they rested, ensured they had some water, and pampered them. I was probably being too motherly but I appreciated what they had done for me and wanted to dote over them a little. One by one, they would eventually get dressed, kiss me goodbye, and leave. They were nice young men. DeMarcus and I would then have some alone time and usually had sex again. He liked being the last man to empty himself inside me. As I left, I always felt so desired and sexually fulfilled.
Michael: The quiet period after the sex is interesting. It seems to have been a very comforting, nurturing, and friendly space. How did you feel when you went home?
Carol Ann: I would freshen up before heading home just in case my husband was there early and then again at home if he wasn’t there yet. My husband would usually arrive a couple hours later and, as usual, ignore me all night. All the while, I am sitting near his side with the sperm of multiple black men inside me and feeling so very alive and satisfied.
Michael: This feeling of sitting close to him with the sperm of several black men inside you pushes a button for you doesn’t it? What does it mean to you?
Carol Ann: Give me a minute to think about this. It is a feeling of revenge or rebellion I suppose. He denied my sexuality and ignored my needs. It isn’t just him, it is everyone that tried to control my life and define from sexuality from who I can be with and what I am free to do. They tell me that black men are over-sexed and have the largest sexual organs. Thank you, that is exactly what I needed!
Michael: Carol Ann, I think when you go back and read the transcript of this interview, you will have a greater sense of what drives your interest in black men. As we discussed, I will also include excerpts from this interview along with others in a larger paper I’m writing. I will share this paper with you and you will see that you are not alone. There are so many women that feel emotionally and physically neglected by their lovers and women that struggle with tapping into their sexuality when they were taught their entire lives that sex was wrong or dirty. I wouldn’t say that your interest in interracial sex resides within the majority of sexual behaviors but it isn’t uncommon either. It is a complex interaction of psychological factors that result in intense erotic experiences for some people. You have helped me take a step forward in understanding the psychology behind this fantasy. You are beautiful, sexy, and vibrant woman. ~ Michael
Carol Ann: Thank you, Michael. This was fun and already very eye opening. I’m looking forward to reading your finished work, dear. Please stay in touch. If you are ever out my way and want to watch or more… Affectionately – Carol Ann
For additional interviews in the Black Mystique series: